Every week – usually Sunday morning if you want specifics – Bobby and I carve out time to ask each other 5 questions. As a first-born, type A person, I crave structure and systems…so I LOVE these questions.
We started this tradition at the beginning of our marriage and have been fairly consistent with it. (Well, we took a question hiatus this winter when Bobby’s work schedule was crazy, but we’ve been back on track every since coming back to Vermont and I know our marriage is better for it.)
Even though I’m used to being vulnerable with Bobby, sometimes there is still that reluctance to really let him in to the inner workings of my brain. The questions have been a life line for me – for us – to know that we will have time every week to dig deeper into the same 5 themes.
So, without further ado, here they are:
1. How did you feel most loved this past week?
2. How can I love you this next week?
3. How can I pursue you romantically/sexually this upcoming week?
4. What does your upcoming week look like?
5. How can I pray for you this week?
Sometimes these conversations evoke lots of tears on my part; but even if I’ve dissolved into a puddle – without fail – I always exit our conversation feeling so much better, so much more known. Once we had a string of rather turbulent Question Sundays, to the point where Bobby would breathe a sigh of relief when we actually got through all five questions in under ten minutes without a single tear from me. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. These little guys have a sneaky way of bringing important stuff to the surface that otherwise could lay low for months.
Now that I’ve sufficiently made myself sound like a basket case, allow me to share the origin of these conversation starters. I can’t claim any credit for them. I originally found them on Today’s Letters. Their post was too convincing not to give the questions a whirl. Bobby and I decided to start these after getting engaged. I have to confess, there have been periods of time where we’ve been spotty about asking them every week. Some weeks fly by and when Sunday rolls around again, you feel like you JUST asked these questions. And you pretty much did just ask them. We’ve discovered that this is the whole point – to have these conversations frequently enough so the tank never gets to empty and you don’t reach crisis mode.
Over the past 4 months, we’ve become much more faithful to asking and answering these questions for each other, week in and week out. We don’t skip weeks anymore. It’s been magical.
Give them a spin, see if you like them. Does it feel awkward at first? Don’t worry, we’ve been there too. I promise, though, the more Sundays in a row that you go to bat with these questions, the more natural it will feel.
If you try them, let me know what you think! Cheering you on,
xoxo Grace (and Bobby, too!)